Chapter 4 – Red Flags in Men’s Messages

CHAPTER 4 – Red Flags in Men's Messages

The fact is, ladies, that men can easily fool us into thinking that they are something they are not by their messages.

And if we don’t learn how to read between the lines – we can easily fall for a douche, pardon my French.

Well, there are some experienced ladies out there who know to dump a guy when they spot some of these red flags, but there are so much more who just have no clue, and think that they are just tired, busy, worried, concerned, in real trouble, and so on.

So, keep in mind that these text messages that he sends can really open your eyes! And they can show you up front how he will treat you.

So, keep your eyes open, and here are 8 signs that you should look out for.

1.      When he isn’t who he says he is

Does he say he is 25 but looks more like a 40-year old in his picture? Does he really try to convince you that he is successful and rich? Does he sound too good to be true?

Then, most probably, you are dealing with a faker.

If he is trying to impress you with lies, who knows what else he might be lying about. If you can’t trust him, you shouldn’t even meet with him or reply to him for that matter.

He might be way older than he says he is, or he might be a weirdo who only contacts women online.

2.      When he’s a cheater

If you notice that he doesn’t have a profile picture, or that it’s clearly outdated, or that he cut someone out from the picture, that’s because there’s probably a good reason he did that.

His picture might also be blurry because he doesn’t want anyone to recognize him.

Probably because he doesn’t want to get caught doing online dating.

But why?

Well, our guess would be that he is probably a cheater.

He might say that he is moving to another area to live in and wants to meet someone there.

This is probably a cover up for his planned affair with you. He might also invite you to meet him at hidden parts of the city, like a lesser-known neighborhoods, outside of the city, metro stations etc.

Beware of this type of guys, or else you’ll get caught up in drama you don’t want to be in.

By the way, if he doesn’t have any profile picture, then the best thing you can do is not to reply to him at all.

3.      When he only wants information about you

When a guy wants your personal information, like your phone number or your e-mail, he is probably just a con artist.

He wants to know your information so he can find more about you online, and tailor the conversation to your interests.

This is the better scenario, the worse one is he is out for your information because he wants to hack your devices or get into your bank account.

The rule of the internet applies especially on online dating sites – don’t give your password to strangers.

Beware of guys who are asking too many questions like:

  1. Where do you live?
  2. What do you like?
  3. What were your previous experiences with guys like?
  4. What do your parents do?

This is way too many questions for online dating.

Also, another good rule is not to click on any links someone sends you until they are from a trusted website (YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia, etc.).

Clicking on fishy links can lead to your computer or laptop catching a dangerous virus.

4.      When all you do is talk online

At first, you have a nice conversation with him, and he seems interested in you, and you would like to know him better too. Finally, a conversation about meeting up in person opens up, but somehow you can’t find a time which works for both of you.

Every time he has a convenient excuse for why he can’t be there.

Still, you guys continue to talk online.

Guys like this are complete time wasters.

If you wanted someone to talk to, you would’ve probably gone to a different website, and not on an online dating one.

He either doesn’t have the confidence to meet you in person or doesn’t want to at all, he just wants to chat. Whatever the case may be, if you notice this, save your time and stop replying to him.

5.      When he doesn’t know how to type

When you get a message that goes like this: “You look very cut3! I wuld like to get to know U better, whatya think of that deer? How about we meat up sometimez? Id like to get to now ya!”

Either his English is very poor (which might mean that he is under 18), or he doesn’t know how to spell. Either way, he shouldn’t be surprised if you don’t ever reply to him.

6.      When he talks about changing you

Having someone who wants to work on you and help you improve your flaws is great, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that the guy you’re messaging for the first time is trying to work on you for your own good.

We all have something to work on:

  1. we can always be more a little more responsible and go to bed on time
  2. we can always pay a little more attention to how many dirty dishes we leave
  3. we can always create more time to spend with our partner

But, while changing bad behaviors is healthy, changing your personality is not.

If you don’t like dressing up often, going to parties all the time or watching comedy movies –

don’t change your taste for a man.

 If he doesn’t like you voicing your opinion all the time, then you shouldn’t share it with him anyway.

Pay close attention when you get messages like:

  1. “If only you liked going skiing, we’d have so much fun together…”
  2. “Sooner or later you’ll see that I’m right and staying up all night is better than waking up early…”
  3. “After we get to know each other better I expect we’ll go to salsa together…”

A man who likes you for who you are won’t try to change you. Always have that in mind.

7.      When he talks down on you

You know those guys you were attracted to in high school?

The quarterbacks, the rock stars, the crazy ones, or the jerks?

There always was something attractive about the bad boy. The one who isn’t a pushover and won’t let you lead the interaction or the relationship.

Although this is attractive at first, over time, you see that if he sticks to this cold attitude, it starts being unattractive and destructive.

So, watch out for guys who don’t completely respect- your time, your energy and you.

Be on the lookout for messages like:

  1. That project you’re working on is stupid. If you don’t do it, we’ll have more time to spend together.
  2. We can’t meet tonight actually, the boys invited me to a night out, and I can’t refuse. (even though you already scheduled to see each other)
  3. If you cared about seeing me, you would cancel your plans…

8.      When he doesn’t apologize for anything

In the beginning, when you’re chatting, if you notice that he doesn’t apologize for the little things, know that this is a red flag.

Apologizing is stepping your ego aside and acknowledging how the other person is feeling.

Be on the lookout for him canceling dates without apologizing. It’s okay for someone to reschedule, if he does it shortly before you should meet, it’s less okay.

But if he cancels without even saying a simple “sorry”, that is definitely not okay.

Chapter 4 – Red Flags in Men's Messages 1
Chapter 4 – Red Flags in Men's Messages 2
Chapter 4 – Red Flags in Men's Messages 3
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