Hey all and welcome to my article on online dating first message tips! So you have gone ahead and signed up for an excellent online dating site such as eHarmony or Match.com creating your profile and completing their relevant tests or questionnaire. Great! You have just gotten over one of the biggest hurdles in the online dating arena; hopefully you have followed our tips on how to create a great online dating profile. Having gone through the searches (or in the case of a few sites been sent your matches) and you have found someone that has caught your attention. Now here comes the fun part, or for most people the super scary part – sending that first email message. You would be surprised at the amount of people that just freeze when they sit down to think about what to write. Questions such as “should you simply say hello and hope for a response” or “should you wait to see if they will make the first message move” race through their minds like a raging waterfall. These are but a few of the questions that are undoubtedly racing through your mind. Fortunately we have put this guide together in order to put your mind at ease, allowing you to relax, let go of your doubts and worries and take the plunge into uncharted waters and send that all important first message.

Now make no mistake the first message in the online dating realm is of the utmost importance and is critical to your online dating success. Sending the wrong first message can result in you receiving an equally crappy first message, your message being ignored, deleted or passed on to their friends as comic relief. We are certain that you do not wish to be the next bad water cooler story. So let’s dive into the things that you need to know to make that first message count. Let us get right into the online dating first message tips article! some other articles you might find helpful are romantic evening ideas, online dating safety tips and best first date ideas!

Online Dating First Message Tips

 Online Dating First Message Tips One – Message Title

This is the first thing that someone will see when your message hits their inbox so it better be good. The first thing that you want to do is to avoid the “Hi Sexy” or “You have a hot body” as these will certainly get you nowhere. Sure it is a complement; however, you have not yet gotten to know the person and messages with that title tells the person that you are not interested in something genuine. Unless you are casting your net on DateHookup.com this message title is likely to get you nowhere and even if you are searching on that site a message title like that might still get overlooked. However, make sure that you do not go overboard with your message title as well. The whole point is to let the message do all the talking for you. All that you want is to have the title catch their attention. Keep your message titles short and sweet. A good title is “I Really Enjoyed Reading Your Profile” as this shows that you did take the time to learn about them and suggests that you have more to talk about than just looks.

Online Dating First Message Tips Two – That Opening Sentence

This is the next step in determining whether or not your message achieves its objective. Try your best to sound friendly, but not crazy. A good start is a simple greeting; you would be surprised at the power of “Hi”, and then move into telling them your name and /or asking them how they are doing. This is a good time to talk about something interesting about their profile that caught your eye. A good example is: “Hi there, I’m James (Jane), I notice that we share a love for the same type of movies”. Please don’t be ridiculous by suggesting that you are the person that they need, you can solve all of their problems etc as this will not help. In fact the best thing that you can do for yourself is to read the person’s profile.

Online Dating First Message Tips Three – Want to Talk Looks – Be Careful

We know that we said to avoid being complimentary in your introductory message; however, it can be done; it just needs to be done in a classy way. The main point of your message must never be about or beautiful or handsome the person looks. A strategic, well placed, classy compliment will get you a far way in your introductory message. Instead of saying “You’re super hot”, “You have a rockin body” or “You’re such a stud-muffin” try complimenting them in a non-threatening way. For instance saying “that dress really enhances your eyes” or “you look striking in that suit”.  Messages like these shows physical attraction in a non-threatening way. A good rule of thumb is if you are not sure how to compliment someone without coming off too strong then just don’t do it.

Online Dating First Message Tips Four – Talk About Your Similarities

Because the first online dating message can be incredibly awkward finding common ground can definitely ease the tension and open up the door for amazing conversations to happen. This is where actually reading the person’s profile is incredibly important, notice that we can’t seem to stress it enough, because it is that important. Check out the kind of movies that their profile says they like to watch or the music they listen to, their interests, hobbies, what they do for a living or any other information that they choose to share. When you have this knowledge you can write your first email based on what you have read and things that you have in common and avoid the awkwardness of not knowing what to say. Now even though by this point you would have learned a good deal about the person, please remember to keep your first message short and sweet. We recommend keeping your message to about four (4) sentences in length. A four sentence first email is enough to say hi, your name, ask how they are doing and say something that you noticed on their profile.

Online Dating First Message Tips Five – Don’t Forget About You

Now that you got the first few introductory lines out of the way it is time to tell them a little about you. Use this opportunity to tell them about something that you never included in your profile. Why you might ask? The fact is once they have read your email; if you appeal to them they will invariably check out your profile, so why not make the message say a bit more than your profile does. It doesn’t hurt. For example if you notice that they like watching horror movies you could perhaps mention an upcoming movie that you would like to watch. Just remember to not make it too much about you and bring the subject back to things that you noticed on their profile.


Bonus Tip – The Closing

You’re almost finished and out of the woods. Now that you have mastered the initial message it is time to close the message and press the dreaded “SEND” button. You are probably saying that merely closing with “Goodbye” is good enough; however, it is not. We are not suggesting that you write an entire goodbye story for your potential love interest; however, we do not want the closing to sound too bland or to sound like a sour grapes story. Try not to end your message with something like “If I don’t hear from you I will assume that you don’t like me but that’s okay because I won’t be mad”. Instead try saying something like “I trust that this message finds you well and I do look forward to hearing from you. Have a wonderful day”. Additionally it is nice to put your first name at the bottom of the message as well.

Use these tips wisely and you will be surprised at the responses that you receive.

If you want some more advice on online dating I suggest you check out the advice category where you will find articles like dating advice for men and dating advice for women! Also if you are looking for the perfect dating site you should check out the homepage that talks about the top dating sites online and our big VS article: eharmony vs match! I hope there was some good advice that you can take away from my article on online dating first message tips 🙂

You may also be interested in some other comparison articles such as: Chemistry vs MatchChemistry vs eHarmonyeHarmony vs OkCupid and Match vs PoF!