CHAPTER 2 – Types of Long Distance Relationships

CHAPTER 2 – Types of Long Distance Relationships

Now that we have the long distance relationships explained, you might say “Well, not all long distance relationships are the same!”

And you are completely right, they are not!

But they still can be put in one of the two major groups of long distance relationships, and these are:

  1. Those relationships that turn into long distance relationships
  2. And those relationships that start as long distance relationships

Of course, there are many differences between the two and the relationship between people in them, so let’s give a deeper look into both of these.

1. Relationships that turn long distance

What is this actually?

You have been dating or married for some time, and then, one you had to move to a different country or city for:

  1. College
  2. Work
  3. To take care ofanother member of the family
  4. Career
  5. Summer camps
  6. Semester abroad
  7. Etc.

Pros and Cons of “Turn Long Distance Relationships”

Many experts believe that “turn long distance relationships” have much more chances actually to work from “start long distance relationships”.

This belief comes from the fact that the pair have already been together and been close for some time, and they know each other well. Therefore, they know how things work when they are together and what kind of relationship they have, so they know if it is worth all the hard work and standing the distance for a little bit more.

On the other hand, these couples have much more to lose!

But, there are always some good and bad sides, in everything!

And it is all the same with “turn long distance relationships”.

So, let’s give a look at some pros and cons of this type of relationships:

Pros

     i. Time spent together is more meaningful

No matter what your arrangements for seeing each other are and if they come once a month or twice a year, the time you spend together will be cherished much more.

What turns out to be the case for many couples is that they go back to that honeymoon phase and just can’t wait to see their partner and spend every second with them.

Hell, like they just started dating again!

Now, isn’t that something?

    ii. You are individual and have freedom when you are apart

You know, when you are close to someone (as in physically close) and want to make plans, you can’t make them yourself. Am I right?

When you are planning a night out or how to spend a weekend, you have to respect your partner’s wishes and his or her plan as well.

However, when you are apart, you have a bit more individuality and freedom to choose when you will see your friends, what movie will be on tonight, and similar.

Sometimes, you just have to develop two personalities. The one is only yours – what movies you watch, what food you make, when you wake up on the weekends and when you clean the house. The other one is when your husband is around – you make plans together, prepare meals that he likes too, and make mutual arrangements, and so on.
Anabella, separated for 3 years
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   iii. You have more adventures and new experiences

No matter if you are the one who left or the one who stayed, you still have a lot of new possibilities.

New friends, new theater, restaurants, places to take a walk, etc.

If you have been in a long relationship, things might have fallen a bit into a routine, and you stopped discovering new things.

Now is the time for new discoveries! Use the time wisely.

   iv. New skills, hobbies, and responsibilities

The fact is, when you are away from your beloved partner, you will need something to keep you busy!

Maybe you have got used to your husband mowing the lawn, or your wife doing all the dishes and laundry?

Well, this is the time for you to learn new things and take on new responsibilities!

Cons

     i. No everyday talks

Sadly, there will be things that you will miss greatly, and one of them is the little everyday talks.

No matter if these are conversations over morning coffee about what you should cook for dinner, or ranting about that annoying Gerald from the next cubicle at work right before you go to bed, but these little things are something that you build the intimacy on.

Try to figure out a time for phone calls each day! For example, if you two don’t have schedules that re too different, you could still drink the coffee together – over a Skype call! It keeps things more normal, and you too just as close!
Jason, away for work for 6 months
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    ii. No everyday touches

Cuddling and snuggling are very important for a relationship.

Sometimes, you just need to be hugged or told that all will be good, or you want a warm snuggle while watching trashy TV shows on a Friday night.

Sadly, these cues of physical closeness and security are not an option in everyday life when you are in a long distance relationship.

And, fairly speaking, this kind of closeness can be hard to establish over the phone.

   iii. Missing on important events

Important events can be different for everyone. It could be your loved one’s birthday, child’s first words, friend’s wedding, or so on.

Sometimes, you just can leave the thing for which you actually had to go away in the first place, and these kinds of important events could easily be missed.

   iv. Less “couple” friends

The hard truth is that couples like to hang out with couples.

Imagine if you and your boyfriend or girlfriend constantly hang out with that one solo guy. Would you feel comfortable hugging and kissing in front of him? And would he?

So, if you and your partner have a lot of couple friends, these friendships might slowly fade away.

You wouldn’t feel comfortable with seeing them all snuggly and romantic while you are alone, not receiving anything, and just third-wheeling. They wouldn’t feel comfortable for the same reasons.

And once our partner is back in town… Well, who would want to see their friends when there is so little time to be together?!

2. Relationships that start long distance

What is this actually?

You met your partner while one of you was on vacation, online, or by any other long-distance setup, fell in love, decided that you were meant to be, and all of a sudden – why not give it a shot?

Long Distance Getting-To-Knows

Relationship experts have quite a few words to say about long-distance meetings.

As a matter of fact, they suggest that, if you met someone on vacation or online, you should try to get to know them as fast as possible and from as many sides as possible.

Meeting someone over the phone or e-mail is very hard, almost impossible!

So when the time comes to see each other and spend some time together, try to make it as long as the circumstances would allow.

If you stay for 2 days only, it is very likely that some things can be faked. But if you stay for a whole week… Well, it is very unlikely that he or she will be able to fake it the whole time or not get grumpy sometimes.

After all, if you plan on being in a committed relationship with someone, you have to know a lot about them – from when they get up, to their hygiene habits.

Unless you truly get to know the person, you can just project your romanticized ideas onto them and get disappointed once they turn out not to be true.

Now, many of you would say:

“But I know this person! I know his/her values, thoughts, ideas!”

But, trust me, actions speak louder than words. And maybe your beloved partner is great with words, but self-control might not be the thing they are good at.

Another great advice that many experts give is: “meet their friends and parents.”

The fact is that people we are surrounded with speak a lot about us!

So, do not just live in your fairytale. These might be false. Get to know every aspect of a person you can, and be sure to talk about important stuff as soon as possible.

Now, don’t get me wrong! I am not advising you to say “Okay, so, when are we getting married?” on the first date, but know what they expect from your relationship, DO they see it as a serious thing or just a fling, would they consider moving, or should you, etc.

These are all important stuff, some of which might even be deal breakers, so be sure to get informed about all of it before your relationship becomes too serious to walk away from easily.

Pros and Cons of “Start Long Distance Relationships”

As we said, every relationship and every type of relationship has its good and its bad sides.

Now, let’s give a look at the pros and cons of “start long distance relationships”:

Pros

  1. Honeymoon period lasts twice as long as it normally does
  2. Romantic rituals (love letters,surprise gifts and visits) are more likely to occur
  3. You’re less likely to hang onto it if it’s not working

Cons

  1. Faults like bad hygiene or moodiness are revealed much later (might even be a pro for some!)
  2. Big number of romantic gestures will give you highexpectations that are highly unlikely to keep up once you get geographically closer
  3. You have less of a chance of meeting someone who’s moregeographically desirable

Texting vs Real Talk

Once you start a long distance relationship, you will not be able to go on dates every week, or every third day and actually talk to person face-to-face and get to know them.

As we already mentioned, meeting someone over the texts or e-mailscan be extremely hard and can result in a lot of false beliefs.

Therefore, be sure to establish regular communication over the phone, or even video calls, so that you can actually talk to the person.

When you are texting or e-mailing someone, a lot of things and reactions can stay hidden.

So, make texting the supportive type of communication to the video and phone calls, and not the other way around.

In the meantime, there are things to keep an eye on.

Red Flags of Texting and E-mailing

  1. Shares way too many stories from previous relationships
  2. Doesn’t answer questions and seems like he/ she is hiding something
  3. Too formal and strict
  4. Too sentimental
  5. Constantly complains, whines, and floods you with own problems

Avoiding Fatalities

We really don’t mean to scare you off, but let’s face it – there are sick people all around us!

Some experts claim that many people with different types of disorders often times shoot for the long distance relationships simply because “they can talk the talk, but they don’t have to walk the walk”.

So, in order to stay away from these kinds of people and to keep yourself far, faaaar away from any kind of possible danger, we have made a list of a few things that you should keep an eye on as to avoid getting caught into something unpleasant or even dangerous:

a) They seem to fall in love way too fast

They call you more often than your Moma does, they claim that you are The One for them and that they are The One for you, and they can just feel it in their guts. There is just no point in looking any further!

If you don’t pick up the phone, they will phone you at your office.

If all of this starts happening within the first few weeks of your relationship, you should know that you have business with someone way too needy and who has no boundaries.

Our advice – walk away.

b) They boast too much about their alleged fortune

These people, often times, don’t have two pennies in their pockets!

We don’t say that there aren’t people who can afford luxurious hotels in the Maldives and a two-week trip to Europe every second month.

But if this person starts bragging too much about their wealth right away, you should know that they are someone who has no respect for themselves as a person and identifies only with material objects.

c) They treat others badly

If they treat waiters, children, pets, other people badly and talks down to them, it probably means that they are someone who sees themselves as better than anyone else and will eventually treat you in the same manner.

The Serial Long Distance Daters

Despite the normal situation where couples tend to be together as much as they can and want to spend as much time as possible, there are people who just seem that work better in long distance relationships. Forever. Again and again.

If you are not someone who is okay with this type of setting, you might as well be well educated on spotting the people who intentionally or unintentionally, for some personal commitment issues, seek for long distance relationships.

If the other person “proposed” to start a long distance relationship after only a few e-mails exchanged or one seeing, that is the first clue that you have a serial long distance dater in front of you.

These long distance daters probably have some plants that do not involve you or your vision of relationship and what a long distance relationship should turn into.

The most likely scenario is that the relationship with this type of dater will finish with an ultimatum “We move together, or we break up!”

We don’t mean to claim that you will not be The One who will change them and make them wish to commit to someone finally, but, truth be told, the chances are very slim.

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