A question I get asked a ton here is “why can’t I get over my ex?”. If you are reading this article, you are probably wondering the same thing.
In this article, I will talk about psychological reasons why you can’t get over your ex. I will talk about what you need to do when you miss your ex a lot.
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Trust me, I have gone through plenty of breakups and heartbreak, and all of them are as difficult as the previous. Here are the top secrets to getting over a girl or a guy that is not going to come back.
The biggest reasons you can’t get over your ex
Whereas you can decide to blame yourself for all that went wrong in your relationship, always know when to move on with your life. It is advisable to cease all contacts with an ex, think only about yourself, make up new plans for the future while socializing with new sets of people.
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Below are the four most significant reasons that getting over your ex is difficult. You need to self-examine yourself to see if you are doing any of the below four.
You need to stop reminiscing
Reminiscing over and over again in your head different scenarios is probably the biggest thing you need to try to avoid doing.
At this point, probably 90% of your mental capacity is dedicated to running over different scenarios in your head. What if I had done this, or what if I had done that instead, are typical scenarios that you keep repeating over and over again.
These are known as self-blaming thoughts typically. You are blaming yourself for something you did or didn’t do, and your mind is trying to find a solution to cope with.
You need to stop thinking about the real reason for the heartbreak so that the healing process can be faster.
The key takeaway is that you will never be able to learn or grow from the previous relationship that you had if you keep on the processing over what you should have done instead.
Since all of these scenarios running to your head are hypotheticals, you will never know the outcome to either one of them. These scenarios are pointless to think about and will only cause you more harm than good by continuing to think about them.
The number one goal you should have is to try and limit the amount of time you spend thinking about these hypotheticals after your breakup. You need something to distract you from going off on tangents in your head. Spend time with friends and family in trying to engage yourself as much as you can with them.
Acceptance is the key
I know this is probably something that you don’t want to hear. Coming to the point of acceptance is the very first step in healing after a breakup. To truly move on, learn from your mistakes and grow as a human being, this is the first part of the journey.
No matter the pain of your breakup, you are allowed to grieve the loss of a relationship and then see it as a learning experience.
As mentioned above, all of the hypothetical situations that you have played out in your head, they all lead to the same thing, getting back together with your ex.
If the relationship is over, this hypothetical situation will not play out. If you keep on expecting that you will eventually get back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, the torturous thinking and painful reminiscing will never end as well.
The solution is to separate yourself from your ex completely. If you are still friends with them on social media, you should block your ex on all platforms so that you can have space. There should be no form of communication between you two to fully reach acceptance that the relationship is over.
If you’re wondering how to get over an ex, this is the first step you need to take.
You have one-sided hearing
A common problem that people have when they are recently coming out of a long relationship is that they only hear what they want to hear.
I thoroughly recommend spending time with friends and family, especially at the beginning part of a breakup. They can be fantastic people to listen to your rants and be a comfortable shoulder to cry on.
At some point though, they are going to tell you the truth of the matter, and it may be something that you don’t want to hear from them.
They may challenge the way you are thinking and may even point out some of the mistakes that you made. This is a relationship advice coming from a place of real love. They are in no way trying to kiss you off or push you away. They are just trying to be honest and helpful so that you can grow and learn from your relationship.
It’s human nature that people don’t want to be told what they did wrong or what they could have done better. But if you are honest and open to the advice, it will genuinely help the healing process
This may be your biggest hurdle of all of them when it comes to healing after your break up. Although this advice might be difficult to absorb and accept, try your hardest to be open to their feedback because deep down you know that your family and friends are just trying to help.
You may have lost your sense of self
Losing your sense of self is a widespread occurrence after breaking up with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Is likely that both of your lives were so intertwined that it is hard to get used to the single life.
You’ll feel part of your identity gone with the failed relationships as you find yourself thinking of lost love.
You may be asking yourself “who am I?”. This is an extremely common question to ask yourself because you feel like you are missing your other half.
If this is the way that you are feeling, there is just one thing that you need to do. You need to get out in the world and start exploring.
You need to begin new activities, find new hobbies, new friends and interact with cool new situations where you meet lots of people. You will rediscover your sense of self within no time as long as you immerse yourself in the world around you.
Don’t sit in your dark room, sulking and reminiscing about what could have been. You need to live your life and find you. The first step to this is stepping outside and being open to new experiences and new relationships.
What to do when you miss your ex
Now that we have talked about the biggest reasons why you can’t get over your ex, now it’s time to explore the healing process. This part will be a lot more fun I promise you!
After finishing this section, you will have new found confidence that it is possible to move on after a relationship. You’ll probably be excited to try! Let’s get right into my top three tips for getting over a guy or a girl.
My top 4 secrets for getting over a girl or a guy
Make sure there is zero contact with your ex!
What you need to do is build a protective bubble around yourself that is impenetrable in regards to letting your ex back into your life.
You should have stopped talking with your ex the moment the relationship ended.
The biggest thing is you need to resist calling or texting or any other form of communication with your ex.
The first thing you need to do is block them on social media in all forms of contact. You may need to block their friends as well as they are reminders of your past relationship.
You don’t need to be rude about this whole process. It is better to distance yourself quietly and be polite about the situation.
Although, it may be hard to adjust immediately after a break up, making plans to finally move away from feeling the pain of abandonment takes time.
This is an essential part of starting the acceptance process and stopping the reminiscing process that I mentioned above.
Start getting selfish
You just recently broke up with your ex. If you may not have noticed, relationships are jampacked with compromise.
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Now that you have so much more time free, it’s time to start exploring this new found freedom, and you might as well get a little bit selfish on it.
Now it’s time to do exactly what you want to do, and when you want to do it. You do not need to ask permission or see if your significant other wants to do the same thing. You have complete freedom now, so get out there and take advantage of it.
If you want to have a girl’s night or boys’ night out twice a week, I suggest doing it. Why not three nights a week?
Go on a shopping spree and start getting some new clothes. Looking good and feeling confident are some things that you deserve right now, so don’t hold back on this.
You must move out of your comfort zone of bad relationship patterns after a painful breakup, and this will be a lot of work, for the human heart.
Change your schedule
Changing your schedule is a fantastic way of getting over your ex. If you keep with the same routine that you and your ex used to go through together, it will only continue to remind you of him or her.
You need to switch things up completely. This can also be very exciting as well.
If you happen to work with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend or maybe go to school with them, this change of schedule will also help say that you don’t need to see them as much which will also greatly help with the healing process.
This change of schedule will also help you meet new people, learn new things and start new activities which I will talk about more below.
Meet new people and have new experiences
The last big tip I have for getting over an ex is to meet new people and experience new things.
This may be the most important thing for getting over an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Now that you are free, you have all the opportunity to make new friends and meet new people.
Who knows, maybe one of these new people that you meet will turn into something more, new and exciting.
If you’re stuck trying to find a place that you can meet these new people, don’t worry I have that covered for you as well.
Overall, I suggest avoiding social media for meeting new people because there are too many friends in common or reminders of your ex.
I recommend trying out online dating. Don’t worry; you don’t need to be rushing into a new dating situation, in fact, that’s not what I suggest. The thing with online dating is that a lot of people are on these dating websites to meet friends as well. It is for all types of relationships and is not exclusive to dating or romantic relationships.
Online dating websites is provided for people that want to try out new things. It is exciting in so many ways. You should try out a long distance relationship, see how it feels and even break up with people right there if you are not feeling it. But this time around, it will hurt less.
Some of my two favorite websites are eHarmony, Zoosk or match.com. I have met so many precious friends, acquaintances, and lovers as well on all three of these websites.
Typically, I opt for a paid dating website such as one of the three above because there are a lot fewer people trying to spam and more real genuine people looking for true love and a long-term relationship compared to sites like Tinder or plenty of fish.
They also have identity verification which makes me feel much more comfortable with meeting new people online. I highly suggest you check them out and this is a significant step that you need to take if you can’t get over your ex.
Conclusion on getting over an ex
I hope this article resonated with you guys and gals. I hope you can pinpoint some of the problem that you were going through after your break up.
Recognizing these thoughts and realizing that they are detrimental is an essential part of getting over your ex and moving on with your life.
I also hope some of my secrets for getting over your ex will help you in your recovery process as well. So, what should you do when you miss your ex badly? Well, you guys already know the answer to this!
Get out there, start exploring, meet new people, change your schedule, block your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend and start having fun is the most important.
The most important thing is that you should have fun with your time. The setting up of your online dating profile and choosing a username could give a good challenge of describing yourself with words to someone out there, which probably you haven’t done in a while. Your choice of words helps you to reflect on who you are now, whom you hope to be and your alter ego.
If you are the timid type, and you have to make the first move of getting the contact of a potential partner you meet on a dating site, this adrenaline helps you forget your ex easily.
Leave me a comment down below if you have any other tips for my readers on how to get over an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. What types of experiences do you guys have with the healing process?
It would be great to get a conversation started with you all as I am continually trying to improve the articles on my website to make them as helpful as they possibly can be. Thanks for stopping by everybody!
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