Gentlemen.  The following article isn’t so much advice; it is a plea.  Over my career I have seen it too many times; the so-called ‘innocent’ comment that was designed as a ‘joke’ but is doing more damage to your partner’s confidence and sense of security, than you could appreciate.  

In counseling sessions with couples, I have seen it said ‘oh she’s just sensitive.’ Well, there may well be a VERY good reason for that.

Being more aware of how your words and behavior is affecting your relationship could then ultimately go on to making your relationship more enjoyable for you both.   Or may even help you start a relationship in the first place.

This article can be seen as a guide for men, especially in the online dating space. A lot of people are unaware of the consequences their words have on people, mostly without even knowing it.

You can become much more successful with online dating by being conscious of some of these relationship tips.

 

Here then are the five most significant things that men say that make women feel insecure and why they have that impact.

Flirting with other people   

Might not seem like a big deal to you guys.  She’s always known you’re a flirt, but she knows that’s as far as it goes and that you can be trusted, right?  Well, that’s the problem. If you flirt with other people when she is there, how are you behaving when she isn’t?  

You may know that you’re not going to push it too far whether your partner is present or not, but if we’re talking about what makes women insecure, this is right up there.   Simple cure to this one? Tone it down. Or even better, stop it.

Your partner should feel like the only person in the universe when you are together – that doesn’t mean clingy or needy, because that’s not healthy either.  But they should feel like you are their biggest thought.

Daily dilemmas

Again, all too often I see this one coming up.  For a lot of people, being pinned down on a daily commitment too far in advance can feel like stress.  Laid back people may not even know what they’re doing tonight let alone in a week or a year. Well, if your partner isn’t so relaxed about making plans, you may have a problem.  

For the less relaxed one, being unable to plan stuff in the future together can merely trigger alarm bells that plans aren’t being made because you don’t see your future with them.  The result? A strong sense of insecurity.

Keeping secrets

And not just the big things. Anything.  You bumped into an ex, completely randomly and spent 5 minutes talking – that’s the end of it, right?  Well not sharing that could make your partner feel like you’re hiding something. Even something as small as saying you were out with three friends but it turns out there were 5 – to an already troubled mind, finding out things like this are just going to add fuel to the anxiety fire!

Intimacy issues  

The stereotype is that the woman has a headache and that the man has to bide his time until he can ‘get lucky.’  SPOILER – women like sex too. So when it’s not happening, they start to ask themselves questions and will often come up with one of two answers…it must be me, OR he’s getting it elsewhere. More often than not, neither are true.  

Work stress, illness, money troubles – it is all life strife that would reduce anyone’s desire. So be honest about why before they assume it’s one of the two incorrect answers.

Encouraging them to work out

It will probably come from a good place.  Exercise has so many benefits, and as you love your partner, you want the best for them.  But someone could easily take ‘do you fancy doing a few spin classes together?’ as ‘hey fatty, get moving.’  

The topic of exercise and healthy eating should be done carefully. Again you may know it is nothing but love that makes you suggest it, and you probably aren’t even suggesting because you don’t like their body.  But they may well not know that.

Conclusion on the five relationship tips

The key is understanding.  Being able to talk openly without anyone getting defensive means cross-wires can be cleared up as just that.  Neither partner would choose to live in a state of paranoia and insecurity; it doesn’t feel good. But silence only allows those feelings to grow.  

More often than not, nobody is right, and nobody is wrong; they are just different. A healthy respect for those differences will allow insecurities to fade.  The result? Being more likely to enjoy the happiness that a relationship can bring.

If you are not currently in a relationship I suggest you check out my articles on match.com and eHarmony.